I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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