is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
