words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
