Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
