Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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