I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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