He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
