I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My underwear smells like fireworks.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
