things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
