are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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