my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
