Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
