ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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