i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
