tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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