I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
