You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
