When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
