I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
