smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
