He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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