Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
