Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
