he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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