well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love you. Go after that dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
