I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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