If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
