I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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