my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
