Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
