she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
