We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
