Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
