I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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