ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
