somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
