Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
