Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
