We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
