i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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