don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
