I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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