That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
