He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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