We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well you can't waste a boner
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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