How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
