its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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