Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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