Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
