Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
