ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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