Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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