Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
