I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
