so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
