Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
