I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
