Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
