i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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