My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize