she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
