There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
