Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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