I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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