arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
