wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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