a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
