There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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