Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
