and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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