I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
