Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
birth control should be required to get into college
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
