the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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