So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
