Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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