Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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