you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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