I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
