between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
