I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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