He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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