i wish peter jackson would direct porn
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
