you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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