you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
