I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
