Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
