we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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