Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
someone owes me an orgasm
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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