Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
