So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
