i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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