What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
