i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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