Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
