The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Actions speak louder than pants.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize