Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
